CHARMED parody style
by parody gal
Summary: My version of Charmed. CHAPTER THREE IS UP my loyal fans!
1. Charmed....parody style

A/N: I really do love the show Charmed! Forgive me for all of this:)  
  
  
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THEME SONG: (SING IT TO WHATEVER TUNE YOU LIKE)  
  
PAIGE: My name is Paige Matthews, And I really suck! If you end up dating me then you must have bad luck!   
  
PIPER: I am bossy and I stink, I have major lice! If you end up dating me then you will pay the price!  
  
PHOEBE: I'm ugly and I am dumb, fixing this i've tried! All the guys that dated me commited suicide!  
  
PRUE: I'm supposed to be dead, I'm supposed to be gone! But Aaron Spelling felt guilty and put Shannen back on!  
  
FADE. CUT TO: PRUE IN THE KITCHEN. SHE IS SLICING A LEMON.  
  
PRUE: I am so great, I am so cool! Where did I put that rum? Oh darn I cut my thumb! (CHUCKLES)   
PIPER: Man, Prue, you can't rhyme worth...Paige.  
PRUE: Thank God.  
PIPER: I was insulting you!  
PRUE: I know, but I've joined a new religion! Now, whenever you cut your thumb, you have to say 'thank god'.  
PIPER: You know, I think you are starting to run out of excuses for screwing up.  
PHOEBE: She ran out years ago.  
PRUE: Shut up Phoebe, at least I don't....don't...date demons!  
PHOEBE(teary eyed): We..we've be..en through this...(BLOWS HER NOSE AND RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING)  
  
FADE OUT. FADE IN PAIGE'S ROOM. SHE IS PAINTING HER NAILS.  
  
PAIGE: Wow, this new polish is sure to get a gem!  
RANDOM VOICE: What????   
PAIGE: God, don't you guys ever play Playstation? It's the Mary-Kate & Ashley game, Magical Mystery Mall!  
RANDOM VOICE: Um, no.  
PAIGE: You're right.  
  
PHOEBE RUNS IN. SHE IS CARRYING A HANDKERCHIEF.  
  
PHOEBE: P..Paige...  
PAIGE: What, did you see Prue's face again?  
PHOEBE: Yeah...but that ain't why I am crying.  
PAIGE: Calm down, sweetie.  
PHOEBE: Okay. (CALMS DOWN)  
PAIGE: What's wrong?   
PHOEBE: Well....(EXPLAINS WHOLE STORY, WITH HUGE EXAGGERATION)..and then Prue started to make out with Cole and....  
PAIGE: No, Mary-Kate! Jump! DAMMIT! It's not that hard!  
PHOEBE: GOD PAIGE! All you care about is that...that game...  
PAIGE: Yeah, so? Now, look what you've mad me do! Now I have to play Ashley!  
PHOEBE: Hey, Cool! (LOOKS AT THE GAME)  
  
THE GAME TURNS OFF AND SWITCHES TO CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL  
  
PAIGE: What the- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! My game! I had a high score! Phoebe, you switched it, didn't you?  
PHOEBE: No, I just...just...said Hey Cool and it switched to Clarissa...  
PAIGE: Oh, bother, Phoebe! You've developed a new power!  
PHOEBE: Oh bother?  
  
TV SWITCHES TO WINNIE THE POOH  
  
PAIGE: Awesome!   
PHOEBE: Wow, I suck!  
  
TV SWITCHES TO OZZY OSBOURNE. IF YOU DON'T GET THAT, THEN YOU MUST REALLY BE DUMB.  
  
FADE OUT. CUT TO: NEW JERSEY.  
  
PRUE: So, Jay, I hear that you wash your hair with Herbal Essences.   
JAY: Um...snoochie boochies.  
SHANNEN: That's NOT the line, Mewes!  
JASON: Sorry....my bad.  
SHANNEN: Yeah, well, I forgive you.  
  
AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICE. AND SIR ROBIN, AND SIR ROBIN, AND SIR ROBIN RAN AWAY. OKAY, YOU WOULD ONLY GET THAT IF YOU HAVE SEEN MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.  
  
KEVIN: Okay, action!  
SHANNEN: Hold on...I...have started a new religion...where...where...I have to forget my lines after someone forgets theirs...  
JASON: You know, I think that Shannen has run out of excuses to use when she screws up.   
KEVIN: She ran outta those years ago.  
JASON: Okay, can we start?   
KEVIN: ACTION.  
PRUE: Okay, um...what brings me to New Jersey, you ask? Well, um...my sisters and I are tracking this demon...  
JAY: Did you just say demon?  
PRUE: No, I said..semen. ER NO! I mean, My sisters and I are tracking a new...type of...of...shoe.  
JAY: You said demon.  
PRUE: Well I meant shoe.  
JAY: Let me guess, you have started a new religion?  
PRUE: No...I didn't screw up this time. (RELIZES WHAT SHE JUST SAID AND SLAPS HER FOREHEAD) I mean, I NEVER screw up.  
JAY: You're right.  
  
FADE OUT. CREDITS ROLL.  
  
SCENES FROM NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF CHARMED PARODY STYLE:  
  
PHOEBE: Oh my God! I killed Paige!  
PIPER: Oh well, let's watch Opera!  
PHOEBE: Good Idea!  
  
FADE OUT. BLACK.  
  
OK, like I said, I LOVE the show charmed! So think about that before you flame! 


	2. The sorta non funny chapter but still ha...

THEME SONG: As usual, sing to whatever tune you like! (New theme song for every episode)  
  
PHOEBE: I have such lame powers, They never seem to work! Whoever invented my power in the show is a real jerk.  
  
PAIGE: I'm the sister that was just there, I popped out of nowhere. Prue died, with lots of gore. Then suddenly, I'm at the door!  
  
PIPER: Hi.  
  
PRUE: Um, I'm the eldest sister, I'm so great and cool! Whoever made my character must really...rule.  
  
FADE. CUT TO: PAIGE. SHE IS, WELL, PRACTICING ORBING.  
  
PAIGE: Goodness, gracious, golly gosh! I will never be able to orb as good as Leo.  
  
PRUE WALKS IN. SHE'S LISTENING TO A CD.  
  
PRUE: (SINGING) And he took a big flame thrower, and he barbequed Blitzen! And he took a big bite and said "Tastes just like chicken!"  
PAIGE: Prue, turn that Weird Al CD off! I'm trying to be as good as Leo is at orbing.  
PRUE: What? (SHE TAKES OFF HER HEAD PHONES)   
  
PIPER ENTERS.  
  
PAIGE: no.  
PIPER: Okay.  
  
PIPER EXITS.  
  
PRUE: Anyway....did you notice that everything nasty has an I in it?  
PAIGE: What do you mean?  
PRUE: Well, take you for example. Your name has an I in it.  
PAIGE: You're insulting me, aren't you?  
PRUE: Um....yeah!  
PAIGE: What about Piper? Is she nasty too?  
PRUE: Well, Halliwell has an 'I' in it! So they cancel out! Like when you have two negatives, they both cancel out so you have zero.  
PAIGE: Well, um, erm..what I mean to say, is....  
  
PHOEBE ENTERS. AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICE. OKAY, I LIED. PHOEBE DIDN'T REALLY ENTER AT ALL. INSTEAD, PHOEBE ENTERED. THAT'S BETTER.   
  
PHOEBE TAKES OUT A GUN.  
  
POW.  
  
FADE OUT.  
  
CREDITS ROLL.  
  
SCENES FROM PART TWO OF THIS EPISODE:  
PHOEBE: Look, I killed Paige!  
  
END. 


	3. The sorta non funny chapter but still ha...

Where we left off: You know what? I don't see the point in saying that. I mean, if you forgot, read the last chapter:)  
  
THEME SONG:  
  
PHOEBE: Girls rule! Boys drool! My daddy uses a tool! We should have a duel!   
  
PIPER: No one cares! I like bears! We sit in chairs! Shoes come in pairs!  
  
PAIGE: I hope I don't die. Why, Jewel, Why? Couldn't you just lie? Make me not die!  
  
PRUE: I'm so great! I can count to 8! I have a plate! Damn, I'm late!  
  
FADE OUT. CUT TO: ATTIC.  
  
PRUE: Well, it's been ten days since our beloved sister died.  
PIPER: Yep, seems like just yesterday we were all eating dinner together.  
PRUE: We were!  
PIPER: Oh, yeah. Well, I mean with our dead sister.  
PRUE: We should go to her grave and mourn her.  
PIPER: no.  
PRUE: Okay.  
  
THE DOORBELL RINGS. PRUE RUNS TO GET IT.  
  
PRUE: Hello?  
VISITOR: Hi, I'm KT. Director of Charmeded, Charmeded...ed, and some other stuff.  
PRUE: Well, what can I do to help you, KC?  
  
kaytee83: Shannen, it's KT. Not KC.   
SHANNEN: My bad.  
  
PRUE: Well, what can I do to help you, KT?  
KT: Well, I came as soon as I saw the cliffhanger on The WBBBBBB.  
PRUE: So you've heard?  
KT: Yes. I came to have a party! I brought cake!   
PRUE: Awesome!   
KT: So, are you going to set Paige's coffin at the party?  
PRUE: Paige's?  
KT: Yeah, didn't she die?  
PRUE: Hell, no! Why would Paige be dead?  
KT: Didn't Phoebe shoot her?  
PRUE: No....  
KT: But that's what happened on the cliffhanger episode! And according to the scenes from next weeks epidode thing, she died!  
PRUE: Oh, that. You see, Phoebe being as stupid as she is, she shot herself on accident instead of Paige!  
KT: Oh.  
  
PAUSE.  
  
KT: Want some cake?  
PRUE: Sure!   
PHOEBE: Me too!  
  
PAUSE.  
  
PRUE: Phoebe? I thought you died...  
  
PAUSE.  
  
PHOEBE: Well, I guess not!  
  
ALL OF THE AUDIENCE BOOS AND IS VERY DISSAPPOINTED.  
  
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Stupid PARODY GAL! You were supposed to kill that piece of--  
ROSE: No cussing! This is rated PG-13!  
  
PAUSE.  
  
EVERYONE: @#$% #$@% @#*$* &^%# *&$&%^$*% *#Y& &#*$((((**+* *#$&%&# (@&$#%(( #&$*#&$$#*@( #$^!*#&%^ &%#*$!!!!  
  
PAUSE. SILENCE.   
  
PRUE: No.  
EVERYONE: Okay.  
  
EVERYONE LEAVES.  
  
THE END.  
  
CREDITS ROLL.  
  
SCENCES FROM NEXT WEEKS EPISODE OF CHARMED PARODY STYLE:  
  
PIPER: Goody goody!  
PRUE: WHAT?  
PAIGE: No.  
ALL: Okay. 


End file.
